It's late October. Exams are just around the corner. My schoolwork, slowly but steadily, is being cleared. Training takes a short break after this coming Thursday. My mind is grappling with all the stuff I need to study, but also with my plans for the holidays. I'm tired and I don't want to see another text. All in all, the typical pre-exam atmosphere. But there's something different this year.

In regular intervals, I'm being buffeted by waves of nostalgia that wash over me and cling to me, taking their own sweet time to evaporate. On my part, I'm not too sure myself if I want all these feelings to simply disappear. Because for all my whining about texts, assignments, presentations, subject registrations, school fees, traffic jams and crowded trains, I can't deny the fact that my time here in university so far has been of one that I'll treasure forever.

Friends that I've laughed with. Crushes that went nowhere. Teammates that I cheered for. Captain Jackass Ming Hann pulling a fast one on me in my 2nd year with Lagaan. Buka puasa. Lying in wait to surprise Rohana in Idza's hostel room on her birthday. Standing in a crowded hall, me, Halim and Rizar under the eyes of many as we started our regu routine. Jalan Raya. Chicken bento and udon lunches at the Quad. IVP. The memories, as they all do, will fade with time; details will be lost in the sands of time, faces will blur. They will fade. But I'll be damned if I let them disappear.

I've revealed this to some of them. That I want to continue my time here, that I don't want it to disappear. Not because I think that there's so much more that I can do here. But simply because I want to make even more memories of my time here, with new people, new teammates, new friends.

The nostalgia always leaves a sense of sadness in me. My journey, like that of my friends before me, is coming to an end. For some who I know, it's just beginning. I envy the flames in their hearts, little sparks of promise just waiting for that little bit of kindling, and cannot help but compare them to my own diminished one. But I remember that their flames can only make my own flame burn steadier, and in time, stronger.

Even though I'm only 24, I feel old. This knowledge and the sadness lodges itself into me, a bone-weary ache that will only go away when I close the door to this journey and open a new door to a new journey. But not yet. Even half-closed, there's still the allure of a brand new day, of brand new joy and laughter just waiting for me behind this door. And though it will eventually be closed, whether it be of my own volition or not, I won't turn my back on this door.

I don't even know if I typed out the romaji for that one correctly but it'll have to do eh? Anyways it looks like Marvel's now decided to get into the whole animated movie thing after DC went ahead with Batman: Gotham Knight followed by Wonder Woman followed by the newly-released Green Lantern: First Flight (still waiting for that one on local shores) plus the next project Superman/Batman: Public Enemies. Thanks to a tie-up with notable Japanese anime production houses like Madhouse, the comics fan gets not one but 2 movies (or series, I'm not entirely sure)



Cool, right? It's made even more interesting by the fact that it doesn't really fit with what we know of both Iron Man and Wolverine. It's as if Marvel gave MadHouse the freedom to do whatever they wanted with the two characters. Which probably explains Wolverine heh.

Quite an interesting read. I'm gonna have to hunt around for this "Psychology of Superheroes" book.

Road to "Blackest Night": Spectrum Analysis Part 1
Road to "Blackest Night": Spectrum Analysis Part 2
Road to "Blackest Night": Spectrum Analysis Part 3

It was pretty hard to stay calm and sane after watching this. I had a feeling this was gonna be a game to look out for, but seeing the gameplay in action gave me fanboy goosebumps all over. You're Jack Black playing as the greatest rock band roadie ever when you're transported into the world of heavy metal, complete with skeleton-corpse mountains. You get an awesome axe for dishing out melee combos. Your guitar allows you to cast magic by playing power chords. You start a revoltution for brain-washed head-bangers by playing heavy metal.

It just doesn't get any cooler than that does it?
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Soo...Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. It was...good? I guess? I don't know, the jury's still out for this one. Critics all over have lambasted this one, they were actually falling over themselves just to one-up each other on who could insult the movie more. It's almost as if there was nothing left to insult about it anymore. Of course the receipts say another story. To the rabid fanboy and the neutral moviegoer something obviously worked right. For myself, I got what I wanted so I'm pretty satisfied. I wanted to see explosions, cars, transforming robots, Megan Fox. I got what I wanted.

Plot? Didn't need it. What RotF is though is pure in-your-face movement, motion. There's always something going on, the actors are always moving and talking fast, like they're all hopped up on Red Bull, grass, coffee at the same time. The action just punches its way into your eyes and invades your brain. There's no time to think about the gaping plot holes which, trust me, are there. After the movie, I couldn't even think straight aside from the "look at everything go kablooie" one. If I wanted to hypnotize someone, forcing them to watch this movie would be a good way to start.

For what it's worth, I did enjoy the movie and the adrenaline rush that came with it. But it left an aftertaste of disappointment of the feeling of "it could have been so much better", something that could have been solved with a better focus on making the story actually flow. Oh well. This should serve well enough as an explanation.

Plus side, it cost me six bucks only, which reminds me, I owe money.

A little humiliation and ego-deflation, once in a while, is good for you. Even if it's handed to you in an indirect manner, a small kick up an arrogant backside never hurt anyone. I was gently reminded of this after work, while having lunch with a couple of my colleagues. While we were just talking shop, the topic was eventually steered to a fellow colleague of ours, who as it turns out, was a lot more than I thought he was.

I have no problem with admitting that the blame lies with me. I've always been aware of being subconsciously somewhat arrogant, looking down on others who for some reason I simply perceive to be lower than me. Honestly speaking, I have no idea where it came from, how something like this was inculcated in the first place. I can blame anything if I want to.

I can blame my upbringing.
I can blame my privileged education (Raffles Institution then Anglo-Chinese JC).
I can blame the misguided subconscious belief that because I was the first to go uni, I was somehow the best in the family.

There're a lot of things I can point my finger to, but that doesn't change the fact that I am an arrogant jackass prick at times. People around me are polite; some may have chosen to just keep it quiet and not put me in my place. But I know myself too, and I've done some self-reflection. I know what I am, and I am definitely not proud of my faults. I try to change them, but it's not always successful.

Anyway, back to the colleague, I've always thought of him as the typical mat, the "rilek one corner and lepak" type. We've never really talked much besides the usual crap. He's got this quiet Zen face which I wrongly perceived as blank. And because I do not fit the archetype highlighted , somehow subconsicously I developed the feeling that I was better. So it was a shock to discover from my two colleagues that he was a damn talented artist who more or less reached the top of his class in school, has an amazing portfolio, is very well-read and can easily hold a meaningful conversation. Definitely one up on me. The guy reads up on the book, the author, the author's motivations for writing, so on.

I felt so small. Here I am, a struggling English major labouring to push my GPA to a 2nd-lower, no definite five-year plan, stagnating during the holidays without charting a proper direction after graduating a year from now and I had the cheek to subconsciously look down on the guy. I remember once he asked me for a list of recommended books to read after hearing that I was a English Lit major. I gave him a short list of what I enjoyed, but I also remember feeling incredulous because I simply thought that he didn't look like the reader type. And now when I look back I feel like a complete tool.

This small experience has showed me a lot. It's showed that I haven't changed as much as I wanted to at the start of the year, that I'm still biased jerk at times, that I'm arrogant, that I have a lot of dreams but very little courage to push through with them. But at the same time, it's also reminded me that I'm no different from my colleague.

Just like him, I have a lot of untapped potential, that who I appear to be on the outside is not a good measure of what I'm truly capable of. I'm more than capable to try and have a fulfilling life, to do what I want and what I can to the best of my abilities. Again, I repeat to myself: I want to change. I have to change. I will change.

Now I just have to put my money where my mouth is. Wish me luck.

Do you guys get hungrier the older you get? When I was a kid, 2 slices of bread with margarine and cheese for breakfast was enough to last me a whole morning, and I was a growing boy at that. Now I'm on the cusp of 24, no chance whatsoever of getting a last-minute growth spurt like I hope for once in a while, I eat way more. At home, four slices of bread with jam spread thickly on top is barely enough; I'm always tempted to go for a couple of slices. My pre-work morning breakfast consists of 2 meat buns and that lasts me 2 hours tops.

Yeah I hear the warning bells and the snickers. "You're getting fat, Yan!" But I've been training regularly all this while...I look fit. I feel fit. Is it just me?

Three days down and two days to go. A weekend gone and another one left. So far so good, the tournament's been going along peachy; no major hiccups, just some minor road bumps. I've been involved with the secretariat, mainly time-kkeping duties. Nothing too strenuous, I kinda feel sorry for people like Rizar who spent the whole weekend running up and down the gelanggang keeping the thing running smoothly. Kudos to you, buddy.

As for my regu event, well that didn't turn out as well as expected. I spent quite a bit of time brooding about it Saturday and Sunday night after the tournament, when the adrenaline kick of helping to run the event had eventually worn off. My team was last, something that we frankly didn't expect. I was shooting for a medal myself, and even if we didn't make it I was expecting a top-five finish. So to finish last was a real blow.

It was made worse by the fact that I'd had a small argument with my parents before leaving the house. Won't go into details, but it was enough for me to get the impression, in retrospect probably an unfair one, that they considered me somewhat of a disappoinment. Nothing like somebody to imply that you're a bit of a failure to start the morning eh?

In any case, I came to school quietly stewing and fucking determined to give a damn good showing and get a medal to prove to myself that I wasn't a failure. The rest of course is history, and suffice to say the double whammy of argument plus bad loss took a long time for me to get over. The guys could tell I was having a harder time getting over the loss than either of my teammates but my social awkwardness and I suppose my intimidating "moody face" probably put them off asking.

Oh well. It's water under the bridge anyway. The past is past, I've always felt that it was pointless to brood over things that were beyond my control. The result was beyond my control; the team did our fucking best and we had the support of our friends.

While I was ringing up a customer's purchase, the giggly schoolgirl-type customer apparently saw something funny and so she and her equally giggly friend giggled even harder. I was busy checking the correct price and ringing up the credit card transaction and whatnot so I was a bit distracted but I could tell my counter had something to do with it.

I discreetly leaned in to hear clearer, while still ringing up her stuff. I heard the word "penis". Just what the hell was on my counter?

I didn't want to act like a big kaypoh so I quickly finished up the transaction, checked everything in order and prepared to shoo the giggly duo away so I could see for myself. Giggly girl saved me the trouble though. As I handed her her receipt and credit slip with a nice big smile, all the while pretending I hadn't heard anything (I am a professional after all heh), she asked me point-blank: "Did you know there's a drawing of a penis on your credit-card folder?"

Sure enough there's a crude doodle of an erect wank-tool with accessories drawn into the leather of the credit-card holder itself. I look up at the customer.

"Well now I do miss."

First one's a fan-made (but still goosebump-inducing). Second's the reveal for an animated movie.

So the Ghostbusters video game that was due to be released in June has been delayed, at least the XB 360 and the Wii versions that is. Sony apparently bought release rights or something like that, intending to get the PS3 version released at the original time to coincide with the franchise's 25th anniversary release on Blu-Ray. The two other versions will be released sometime later, not necessarily at the end of the year. So I really can identify with his frustration.


On the plus side, it looks like there'll be a demo released on Xbox Live. And it looks superb and looks like it's gonna be a blast to play, so fingers crossed.

Yessirree, I'm damn glad I baited my dad into ditching our old PacNet connection for a brand spankin' wireless one, courtesy of Singnet. For one that regular bitch fight about whose turn it is to use the modem in our house has been killed off. This of course means that I can now webbie any time I want, so off to Youtube I go! All the tokusatsu and anime and sitcoms I can watch, like a super video buffet heh.

I just finished watching the last episode of the second and current season of The Big Bang Theory. Kinda sad about it since, although it'll be back, it's gonna take some time until I can watch the adventures of the "anal-nutbag" Sheldon Cooper and the rest of his merry men. It's been a blast. It's not gonna be so bad though. My silat mate Raihan recommended "Chuck" to me, I moseyed along to Wikipedia to scope it out and it seems pretty interesting so I'm gonna check it out. Not to mention "Reaper" and mot importantly the "Whose Line Is It Anyway" series which, as far as I'm concerned, is comedy gold.

On the anime front I haven't been as excited about it as I used to, that is until I browsed around for some of Bleach's new episodes.



Yeah it's true Bleach was quite flashy. But damn, it looked like it got even flashier. It might not mean much to most, but to the anime geek, this is one hell of a high. The reboot of Fullmetal Alchemist (which universally stands as a superb piece of work, both in story and animation) has also been an enjoyable ride. I missed seeing Edward getting all pissy about his height haha!

So yeah, it's been great and I can only hope for more of the same. Looking forward to the ride.

No seriously. 3 sets of five pull-ups, about half of those assisted some more, on freaking Thursday, and my arms still ache. What the hell man? Am I that out of shape?

...is what one of the guys who posted regarding this article said when it was posted in an online forum I frequent. Which is true. The guy clearly isn't built like Superman, and he doesn't have Batman's financial independence. Or his brains too, come to think of it. Frankly, this is a disaster waiting to happen and Mr Shadow Hare here will come to a point where he'll bite off more than he chews.

I'm not saying that what he's doing is wrong. This guy shows compassion in helping others and in a world where there's a lot of evil abound, a little good never hurt anyone. But what he's doing smacks of blind charging in, and that always leads to crappy consequences. Besides, we've already got a lot of heroes in this world. Look at September 11, at the firemen and policemen, bogged down by smoke, running back into a tower that was gonna fall to save more people, knowing all the while that it could have been their last. Look at the China quake where a teacher sacrificed his life painfully, shielding their bodies with his from a falling piece of rubble.

It's true, another hero won't hurt. But there are heroes of every kind, and more than one ways of being a hero. You don't have to put on tights and a mask just to save another person's life, do you?

So when I knocked off from work just now, I went into the pantry to get a drink from the vending machine. My colleague Luqman was there, finishing up his dinner (he was on break) while reading the papers. We got into a normal inane conversation about normal inane stuff when out of the blue...

Luqman: Eh Yan bukak kau nye cermin mata kejap.

Me: ? Asal pulak?

Luqman: Bukak je lah, aku nak check something...

So I go take off my glasses then.

Me: Ah, ape hal?

Luqman: You know, with your specs off, you look a bit like Obama eh.

Do not, and I must insist on this, do not do not do not watch this clip at 12 midnight, while suffering from lack of sleep from the previous night and while being bogged down by school assignments as I just have. Well actually, it really is up to you people but hey, at least I warned ya right?

This thing is a pure acid trip. It does weird awesome things to a sleep-deprived mind, seriously. Fried my brain and I'm still looking around for the parts after my brain exploded. Was referred to it by a fellow poster at one of the online forums where I hang out frequently.


Go ahead. I dare you to watch the whole clip.

It was a pretty busy weekend. First up was the NTU/NUS silat friendlies on Saturday. I was actually quite nervous about it actually, which I suppose explains the dump I suddenly had to take before I left home for school. I'm primarily a seni guy after all, so I wasn't that confident about my sparring abilities. As a fighter, I tend to be reactionary and one-pattern at the same time; I react to an attack with the same punch-kick combo a lot of times. I wasn't confident about my blocking and getting into range. Sparring with my teammates had made me painfully aware of this. Not to mention the fact that I lost badly my match back in year 1 and I didn't fight last year because I sprained my back.

So yeah. I was nervous.

Alhamdulillah, the match didn't go the way I feared it would ie, getting totally pwned. Don't get me wrong, the guy was experienced too. If the match was being scored, he would have won. He was more accurate and had a better grasp of range than I did. What I did was to make sure it was a damn close fight. I think that's my strong point when sparring. I suppose I am a bit of a dirty fighter; if I know I'm gonna lose I'm gonna make damn sure he worked for it. Not to the pont where I cheat, but at least make him sure I'm not easy pickings. The gang said that they were pretty impressed and coach ltold me I was fighting well during the intermission, save for my problems with guarding and blocking. At the end of the fight he looked satisfied enough so I guess I did something right there.

I joined the others for makan later, and on the spur of the moment, bought Street Fighter 4. I have a hunch that I thought it might help me visualise future sparrings. More on that some other time, but man is that game tough.

Went to work next day. Smooth sailing as usual, except for one incident. I'd just like to state for the record that that thing you hear? "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?"

Oh yeah it's true.

I've been scolded/reprimanded before by other people before, at home, in school, during NS, at work, so on. But only a small number of those actually scared the living shit out of me, made me wish I was somewhere else instead, preferably in a toilet with a paper bag to breathe into as I decompressed. Basically what happened was that I'd just rang up a customer's items. She was a member with the store so she got the 10% customer discount. Now members are, by right, already automatically entered into the store's email newsletter; a lobang, if you will, to get discount coupons that can be used with the card. The problem is that store policy dictates that we can't give her that discount without the physical copy of the coupon for audit purposes. And just so we're clear: the coupon for that promotion gave her 30% off.

So I asked her whether she had the coupon. She said she didn't have it so I apologized and said that I couldn't give her the discount without the physical copy. I discovered that she'd never so much as gotten a single email. I apologized again, because we cashiers when signing up new members are supposed to also add their email addresses to the email listing, unless they don't want it, and obviously whoever had sold her the membership hadn't done so. She went into a tiffy, of course, because let's face it, other people could be getting 30% off becaus they either knew about it or staff had informed them about it when here she was only getting 10% off when she was entitled to that further 30% off.

She likened it to company dishonesty and politely and quietly, but very firmly, demanded the 30% off. The lady wasn't physically intimidating; she was a lot shorter than me and was dressed in a very mumsy manner. But her voice had cold steel in it and her eyes bloody drilled into my brain. She wasn't like those customers who I hate who raise their voices and act like grown-up spoilt brats. She still treated me with respect; she acknowledged I was just doing my job and appreciated the fact that I'd informed her about the emails, but she knew what she wanted and she wasn't budging. The back of my shirt at this point was drenched in sweat despite the rainy weather.

I was fucking terrified. The incident was smoothened over eventually but I couldn't get that incident out of my head. The lady was clearly someone not to be messed with. To tell the truth, I've always admired those who keep their cool even when angry and don't blow up, channelling their anger into their low voices and cold eyes. IMO, unless you're Alex Ferguson, the hairdryer treatment won't work after a long time when your target gets used to it.

Looking and sounding like a cold-blooded predator every single time, you're always going to terrify the poor soul to submission. When I was doing my advanced sergeant's course, my platoon's sergeant-major was this guy named Staff Sergeant Amez. The guy had liquid nitrogen in his veins, I swear. There was one time when some of us were caught buying food from a store while returning from an outdoor exercise, something that he'd warned us against. He called us all down later that night, told us he was disappointed and didn't want to see it again, then left us to reflect. Not once did he raise his voice, but it had a razor sharp edge to it and he looked each and every one in us in the eye.

We never did it again.